Lightning strikes and flushes across the room, followed by the strong crushing sound of thunder. I am already awake; I turn to my side and look at the clock. It is six thirty-five in the morning. The rain continues beating the roof, the ground – everything. It is hard and ruthless. I try going back to sleep, but I cannot. I get out of bed hurriedly, throw the covers off, rush into the kitchen and put on the kettle.
“I need a strong cup of coffee. There is no use staying in bed anymore. All I will do is toss and turn to no end.”
The falling rain usually has a calming effect on me. However this morning I am not feeling it. Instead I am bubbling with excitement and apprehension at the same time – the latter hitting hard and ruthlessly like the rain. I pour myself a cup of coffee and take a big sip. I move closer to the window and I stare far out.
“I still have plenty of time to get ready. Let me savour this moment for a while.” I think to myself, as I make a mental note of what I am going to wear.
A month earlier I had been invited to a cocktail event by my colleagues; fellow consultants. It was an event that brings together equity and debt capital funders and us – the service providers and potential clients. Several hot lemon ginger drinks in, I secured my first funding engagement in a long time.
Over the weeks that followed, I worked more hours than usual; it felt like all the time, with little assistance , researching, documenting, proposal writing, pricing, proof reading, binding, arranging , editing, coding, presentation prep, securing the meeting dates, responding to emails, all in readiness for sealing the deal.
“So much work and so much effort. What if it did not work out? How would I handle the rejection?”I ponder.
How does anyone handle being dropped in any situation?
Being dropped happens to all of us at some point. Learning some simple ways to deal with rejection is really helpful. Sometimes we just need to grieve, listen to melancholic songs, eat delicious food, wallow a while, and then put things in perspective.
Rejection is an extremely painful aspect of life. Yet, it need not be a tragedy. Here is a timeline with tips to lessen the impact of rejection in 2:45 minutes.
0:19 – Firstly… don’t attempt to minimize what’s happened.
0:23 – Being ‘brave’ has no place here.
0:25 – Allow your sadness so much room, so much time, so many melancholic songs, hot baths and indulgent meals
0:33 – you eventually bore yourself back into an appetite for life.
0:38 – Secondly… especially in the case of a love interest, believe them when they said it.
0:41 – Don’t imagine that their past sweetness and kind words provides any covert indications of future commitment.
0:49 – Kill any remaining hope yourself, if they didn’t quite have the courage to do so themselves.
1:03 – It isn’t a question of them not trying hard enough.
1:07 – Remove morality from it: they were not being ‘bad’ for not loving, and nor were you ‘good’ for wanting them.
1:31 – They acted weirdly around the break up not because they were bad or – indeed – unsure.
1:36 – They just felt terribly guilty… because they’re nice.
1:40 – Which doesn’t, though, mean that they want you.
1:43 – Many of us are predisposed to think especially well of people who don’t want us.
1:48 – It feeds into our reserves of self-hatred.
2:04 – Think back to when you rejected people: you didn’t hate them or regret them.
2:10 – The chief emotions were embarrassment and pity.
2:14 – Don’t connect up the rejection with everything you fear and hate about being you.
2:20 – Don’t accuse them of cowardice.
2:22 – Don’t exaggerate their qualities.
2:25 – Don’t insist on their uniqueness.
2:30 – Don’t imagine that people can take back or fall back in love with someone out of pity or of guilt.
2:45 – But above all, don’t keep thinking of the end of this relationship as tragically sad.
~ Excerpts on How to Get Over Rejection by The School of Life
Nine o’clock, with the sun not shining and a look of hard wet rain in the streets covering the entire city. I am wearing my charcoal black suit, with a silk white blouse, nude coloured stockings, four-inch black patented pumps, hair pulled up into a bun with styling gel fastened with a gold clip that matches my ear rings. I am neat, with light makeup on and a dub of Calvin Klein’s IN2U. I am everything a well dressed financial consultant ought to be.
I step out, calling on acceptance and success – come rain come sunshine.